Here is a question most husbands ask themselves…What does my wife really want from me? The answer is really quite simple.  Do you remember your first date, or any first date that you have been on? Do you remember how attentive you were? How adoringly you looked at her? Well, that is exactly what she wants from you.  Whether she is all dressed up for an evening out or lounging around the house in her flannel pajamas, she wants to be your number one.  She wants you to be so in love with her that you can’t help but want to be near her.  Everyday she wants to feel as if there is no one you would rather be with in the whole wide world.

It may not be as simple as that for you, but I am telling you right now if you can put yourself in the mind set of how you felt when the two of you first started dating, it will help not only your wife, but your relationship with her.

I think back to one night when my husband and I were first dating.  I was working and when I came out of work to my car he had put a giant teddy bear in my drivers seat, and a little baby bear in my daughter’s car seat.  It was by far one of the cutest things that he has done to date, not very expensive just thoughtful.  Thoughtful ideas don’t have to be elaborate or expensive, just ideas from the heart, that let her know that you were thinking about her and that you care.  It can be difficult to come up with creative ideas, but trust me it is worth the efforts.  The truth is in the same way that most men are still little boys at heart, most women are little girls, and just want to be coddled, loved and appreciated.

And even when your wife says, it doesn’t matter, the truth is it does.  Try it and see how her face lights up and her heart lightens with just a few sweet gestures.  It makes a big difference.

Personally in my own marriage, one of the biggest struggles we have lately is over money.  My husband thinks that he works too hard to not have any, yet he comes from a background where his mother kept all the money from his father, and so on some level, he thinks that I am trying to get over or something.  It doesn’t happen all the time, but when something comes up and he feels he should have money, he panics to say the least.

Just this past week, my husband was asked what he would be getting me for my birthday.  Realizing that he hadn’t even thought about it and the fact that money is still tight, he knew he wasn’t really going to get me anything.  He politely told the woman, who by the way meant no harm by her inquiry, that he didn’t know.  He came home in a foul mood, and I couldn’t figure out what was going on, when I finally got it out of him, that he was upset that he couldn’t get me anything for my birthday.

Please understand that I am a very non-materialistic person.  The things that matter most to me are my family and friends.  I don’t really want for or ask for things, I am content just being.  Well, during this exchange he was nearly yelling at me.  I tried explaining to him that I knew this was frustrating him, but that coupling the fact that he couldn’t get me a birthday present, with yelling at me was just really not what I needed with my impending birthday.  He did snap out of it and realize what he had done.

The point is, there are truly a million different things that he could do to make my birthday special for me, without spending a dime.  He could make a romantic dinner, write me a letter, a poem, do something nice for me, or any number of other things.  The money is not what is important to me, hasn’t been since the day we met.  All I want is to be acknowledged and loved by those I love.  For me that means more than any million dollar item that he could buy.  Thoughtfulness, doesn’t have to cost money.

There are so many issues that effect people in relationships, yet many times they come back to one key issue…TRUST. From a very early age we learn very quickly that people don’t always want to hear the truth from us, and at first we learn to tell the “nice lies”. You know the ones like you look really nice in that outfit, or I am really glad that you came over today. Eventually we also learn to use lying as a way to protect ourselves from the fallout. Telling people the truth about things that they may not like and that they may never even find out about, becomes something that we avoid at all costs. Eventually, we learn what to say and when, and when omitting the truth is the wisest decision, but is it ever really wise?

In a relationship, honesty is the foundation, and quite honestly without it a relationship just can’t succeed. How can your spouse trust you if you aren’t being completely honest? Well, it is time to turn things around and start being honest, first with yourself. Then you need to start telling the truth about everything, in a kind way. If you are keeping secrets, then ask yourself, wouldn’t I want to know if she was doing this, or if she was feeling this way? In order to be lovers, you need to be friends. Friends tell each other the truth, and if you can’t be yourself and tell your spouse the truth about things, then ultimately what do you have?

A big issue is that men and women tend to like different things, so how can you still take time for yourself, while keeping your spouse satisfied? Take Tom, he is an avid football fan, and when football season comes around, Cristi his wife becomes a football widow.  She doesn’t like football, and can’t stand the fact that he is completely out of touch for the entire season.  Is she wrong? Well, to a point.  It is important to nurture our spouses and encourage them in their interests, even when they are not shared interests, but sometimes men will take these things to the extremes.  The best thing to do is to keep your interests, but also set limits on yourself.  It is important to let your wife and family know that they are important during football season, or whatever season it is that really gets your attention.  Set certain days and times, and watch only the games that are really important to you.  For instance, set up a weekly schedule and still participate in the household on your off times.  Use those times to take your wife to dinner, play ball with your kids, or just generally help out around the house.  These little things can make a world of difference in your wife’s resentment towards the things you love.  It can be amazing to watch this transformation.  For instance, if you do the dinner dishes before heading into the den to watch the game, your wife will probably be less resentful of the activity.  Life and marriage are balancing acts and so you really need to find a way to do the things you love without putting your home life on hold.  Doing some little things can help really bond you together.  And occasionally if she is into it maybe ask her to come and watch the game with you, even if you have to explain it.  Who knows, maybe she will even become a fan too!

More than anything women get very stressed with tasks and don’t take time for themselves.  The one reason that most women are not in the mood, is very simply because they are too busy and too busy thinking about what everyone else needs.  Men don’t function in the same way, so it is more difficult for men to understand their women’s emotional needs before considering the physical aspect of their love.  Getting a woman in the mood takes a little bit more time and effort, then most men really like to put in, but let me tell you if you do things to encourage your spouse to reduce her stress and take care of herself, you will definitely reap the benefits.

First, you need to help her finish up whatever it is that she is doing.  If a women is in the middle of a task, she will more than likely stay focused on the task so something as simple as, “what can I do to help you honey, so we can finish this up and spend some time together”, can be a great way to let her know that you will help her do what she needs to get done so she can clear some time in her schedule for you.

Second, don’t just dive in.  Rub her shoulders, suggest that she may want to relax, give foot rub, serve her a cup of tea or coffee.  Allow her a few minutes to power down. Just be sure to touch her, hold hands, put your arm around her, hug her, something to let her know how much you love and appreciate her.

Doing these things will help your woman relax and be and feel more intimate.  It works especially well, if you actually use this method sometimes without expecting to have sex.  This way she feels like you value her, her time, and that you love her.

It is hard to know sometimes what women are looking for from a man.  They don’t always get to the point and men can become frustrated at the generalizations that women make when they are asking for things.  They many times will say things like “I want you to help out more around the house” or “I want you to be more affectionate”.  Yet sometimes, despite a man’s attempts they just don’t make the mark and really give her what she wants.  What a women is really saying when she says these things is that I want you to love and appreciate me.  So how can you go about doing this? Well, the answer is surprising simple.  You can leave little I love you notes, even writing it on the bathroom mirror or leave a note in her car.  If you see that something is stressing her out, take it off her hands, or offer to do something that is completely different for you, don’t just take out the trash or mow the lawn, but maybe offer to cook dinner.  Plan it in advance, and let he know that from now on you will do dinner on Thursday nights to give her a break, and then follow through with it.  This will show her that you are really taking action towards trying to help out.  Or offer to do a household chore on a regular basis.  Believe me, just taking one chore off her hands will seem like a real effort on your part, and will be greatly appreciated by her.  What if she says that she wants more affection? Then give her a back rub, foot rub, or just sit close to her on the couch and hold her hand or put your arm around her.  Hug and kiss often, and not just because you want to have sex, but because you want her to know how much you love and appreciate her.  These very simple things can turn around a relationship.  It seems simple, yet somehow getting the language translated properly can be the hardest part.  By doing this you will not only have a better relationship, but you will also show your spouse that you are really listening to what she is saying.  These things will be more than appreciated I assure you.

I ordered your men’s CD’s a few years ago when I was looking for a second wife. I listened carefully to your advice and used it during our courtship. It set the standard for what our relationship would be. My wife to be could not stay away from me even though she wanted to. This was because of the hurt she still felt from her first marriage problems.

It has not been perfect, but very close. I have fallen of the wagon once or twice. I have re-visited your teachings and modified my behavior. I only worry about MY actions and she meets me step for step.

I have adopted our 4 children and we are setting the example of what marriage can be. I make love to her emotionally everyday, yes everyday! The sex takes care of itself. I know that my daughters will accept nothing less in their marriages to come.

A co-worker asked me for some marriage advice and I gave him some. I had almost forgotten where I had learned this information. I really see your teachings now as just part of me. Of course I directed him to your website.

Our anniversary is coming up next month and I can’t wait. We start planning our anniversaries 2 to 3 months ahead of time. While I have not thought of you for a few years, your training is felt by my family daily. –Brendan C.

PR: wait… I: wait… L: wait… LD: wait… I: wait… wait… C: wait… SD: wait…