The holiday time is a great time to let your wife know how much you care.  Most people, even when they are in the midst of marriage problems, don’t really want the tensions to be there.  They may be angry at the other person and think that they won’t even bother to get the their spouse a gift this year, however, choosing the right gift can let your wife know that you still care.  Doing this may break through some of the tensions of the past year, and help you start the new year on a whole new foot.  Don’t get me wrong, it won’t fix everything, but letting her know that you still love her and want to work things out, can make a huge impact, especially if you have been closed off to doing things like going to marriage counseling in the past.  Now maybe you want to work things out, but don’t want to go to a marriage counselor.  There are other things that you can do, some of the suggestions are in the Light Her Fire book.  Things like creating an evening of taking care of just her needs.  This can do a lot to show her you care.  It is not a matter of spending a lot of money, that will not be what will impress her.  What will impress her is you taking the time to make her feel special and investing the energy in reaching out to her.  If she has a special interest, then you may want to purchase tickets to an event that she will enjoy and take her for a nice evening.  You may want to buy a self help book for her and read it first, telling her you want to change things.  There are lots of wonderful ways to let her know that above all else you want to work things out and that you want to make changes.  This means showing flexibility in an area that you have been rigid in for a long time.

Chasity writes: “Robert and I had been slowly falling into a pit.  Our marriage didn’t hit the rocks, it just gradually drifted onto the shore.  Neither of us really saw it coming.  I didn’t even think that he knew that I wasn’t happy.  I really thought that he was okay with going down this same path, mundane, day after day, just co-existing.  On Christmas eve, we exchanged our gifts to each other as we always had.  I was amazed when I opened up the Light Your Fire series.  Even more amazed that not only was this what I wanted, and what we needed, but even more amazed that Robert had already listened to the first tape.  I was thrilled that he saw our problems too, and even more thrilled that he wanted things to change.  It was the best gift that I have ever gotten from Robert, and the series has not only been able to save my marriage, but to make it stronger.  We have grown together as a couple and I can’t say enough about the changes it has made for us.  We are now like newlyweds all over again, and after 27 years of marriage that is really saying a lot!”

Dear Dr Ellen-

I can’t tell you what a change your Light His Fire and Light Her Fire books have made in my marriage.  I can’t really say that Joe and I were on the brink of divorce, I think that it would be more accurate to say that we were suffering silently.  Neither of us really wanting to divorce, both wanting to be a full time force in the lives of our children, and at the very least settling for a lifeless marriage, where passion and romance had become a thing of the past.

When I was looking for things that I could do to help bring some life back into my marriage, I came across your site almost immediately, and thought to myself that if anyone could save my marriage it would be you.  Well, I ordered your books, but was a little skeptical and thought my husband would think that I was nutty, so I decided to start reading Light His Fire while he was at work for a few days and see how it went.  As I started reading I realized right away that this book was for me and as I began working some of the steps, I began to really see things begin to change.  Amazingly to my surprise so did Joe and it didn’t take long at all before he was smiling at me again, the way he used to years ago.  I shared with him the Light Her Fire book and he was so impressed with how Light His Fire was working that he immediately started reading.  Well, that is when things really began to take off.  This past weekend, we took the kids to Grandmas and spent a few days at home alone together.  I can’t just say that we enjoyed our time together, we had a blast and were laughing and playing like teenagers.

Your books have really turned not only our marriage problems around, but have created a much better environment for us to be raising our children in.  I personally believe that you have not only saved my marriage, but the marriages of my children in the future.  After all, how can they have a successful marriage if they don’t know what it looks like?

With Sincere Thanks,

The Carzone Family

Many men hear the words Marriage Counseling and freeze up.  I think perhaps this is because many men don’t want to air their problems to another person, and they don’t want to deal with the underlying emotions that having marriage problems can invoke.  This is what one man says about his reaction to marriage counseling and the Light Her Fire / Light His Fire:

I came in from work one day, not really knowing what my wife wanted from me, when she told me to come sit down with her at the table.  At first I really thought that someone had died or something horrible had happened, and then like that she just sprung it on me, “Honey, I think that we should go see a marriage counselor”.  I am not sure what the look on my face said at that moment, but I can tell you the thoughts that were running through my head, who me, why? Are you cheating on me? Am I not enough man for you? Don’t get me wrong, I did see that the spark wasn’t there anymore, but I thought that was just the way a marriage was.  Over time we had grown to me more like room mates, moving through the house trying to stay out of the other person’s way.  Sure we didn’t talk as much and didn’t have sex as much, but that was normal, wasn’t it? I told her I was fine with the idea of counseling, when in fact I really wasn’t.  I didn’t really see how bringing another person in was going to help us.  She made an appointment and I found the whole thing very mundane, she said what was bothering her, then I said my piece.  The counselor nodded a lot and threw in a few open-ended questions, but after a few weeks, I could see that we were just going around in circles.  I knew my wife must be truly unhappy if she thought we needed counseling, and she seemed to be getting very frustrated with the counseling.  I decided that I really needed something that could save my marriage, and so I began looking online and found Dr. Ellen’s Light His Fire and Light Her Fire.  The price was extremely reasonable, especially compared to how much we were spending on counseling each week, so I decided to order it.  Well, when it first arrived, I didn’t even tell my wife about it.  I figured I really needed to see if it was going to help.  I started to follow some of the advice that Dr. Ellen gave, and honestly, I was shocked that my wife responded so positively to the things I was doing.  A few days later, I shared Dr. Ellen’s program with her.  I can’t tell you how much this program has added to our lives and our marriage.  I never thought that we would ever feel this way about each other again.  Thanks Dr. Ellen, we couldn’t have done it without you.

I ordered your men’s CD’s a few years ago when I was looking for a second wife. I listened carefully to your advice and used it during our courtship. It set the standard for what our relationship would be. My wife to be could not stay away from me even though she wanted to. This was because of the hurt she still felt from her first marriage problems.

It has not been perfect, but very close. I have fallen of the wagon once or twice. I have re-visited your teachings and modified my behavior. I only worry about MY actions and she meets me step for step.

I have adopted our 4 children and we are setting the example of what marriage can be. I make love to her emotionally everyday, yes everyday! The sex takes care of itself. I know that my daughters will accept nothing less in their marriages to come.

A co-worker asked me for some marriage advice and I gave him some. I had almost forgotten where I had learned this information. I really see your teachings now as just part of me. Of course I directed him to your website.

Our anniversary is coming up next month and I can’t wait. We start planning our anniversaries 2 to 3 months ahead of time. While I have not thought of you for a few years, your training is felt by my family daily. –Brendan C.

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I think there are no accidents in life. I had heard about your marriage counseling alternative “Light Her Fire” for two years from different sources before I finally decided that I’d take the gamble with my time and money and get the CD program. I wasn’t in a serious relationship at that time but I thought that if I learned more about how to relate better with women, I would have a better chance of finding the right person for me. I was twenty-six years old at that time and never had the feeling that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with any woman. My observations of my parents staying together in a loveless marriage, filled with anger and accusations, made me what I thought was a confirmed bachelor. I never knew that a union between two people could bring happiness. When I learned how easy it was to have a life with a woman who was caring and supportive, my anger and resentment of women disappeared. With my newfound understanding, I had the space to allow someone to come into my life. It is now three years later now and I’m engaged to be married to the most fantastic woman. I now know ways to avoid the pitfalls that my parents never knew, thanks to your program. I’m giving a set to them for their 50^th Anniversary. Hopefully you can end their marriage problems and teach “old dogs new tricks!”- Jack F.

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My wife and I were having marriage problems and I bought you programs and of course dove right into it. My wife saw the one for her but wanted nothing to do with it. I knew she had been talking with some of her friends that I bought some self help marriage counseling program! I felt like she was just thinking “whatever” and she was checked out of the marriage. I just stayed the course and started to detach myself and focus on my kids, work and myself while going through the program. Well one day we went somewhere and I had my program playing in my truck. I went to turn it off but she said, “Leave it on.” Well that day started the change. One day I get in her car and I realized she had the program playing. I was blown away. This program has changed everything and including some events that helped her with closure. We had a marriage where intimacy was an issue and many other things and she was completely detached! I never imagined we would have such a turn around. We have been together for 18 years and we are referring your program to everyone. It’s not only what it has done for us but how we listen to our kids and communicate to them as well. I am glad a friend told me about you and your program and frankly I saw the stats on marriage counseling and knew that we needed a better way. Marriage counseling stats are horrible and many still end up trying to stop divorce. Please feel free and post our testimonial! If someone on your website is reading this and you feel helpless or need some guidance do not turn this down!!! Don’t hesitate in buying the program!! If it comes down to eating for 2 days or buying this program drink lot’s of water and buy it. Thanks a million Dr. Ellen!!! Jeff T.

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Hi Dr. Ellen, I am amazed!!!! I got your program in the post yesterday and I have listened to the first 4 CD’s and I can’t believe the effect it is already having, I am on my way to solve my marriage problems. I own a motorcycle clothing shop and last year my wife bought the Christmas decorations and dressed the Christmas windows. This year, because we have split and my wife is in a new relationship, I have had to dress the windows myself. After listening to some of your program, I decided to text my wife and let her know that I had dressed the windows myself and although I had done an okay job, it was a poor in comparison to the windows that she dressed last year and told her that she was great at making the windows look classy and Christmassy without looking cheesy. You cannot imagine my surprise when she instantly text me back saying, “thank you.” You cannot also imagine my surprise when at closing time, I looked out of one of my windows and saw my wife looking in the windows. I ran out to her and asked her to come in out of the cold. She came in and starting to talk to me about different things and I complimented her on certain things and she looked me up and down and said, “There is something different about you, but I can’t say what it is.” I knew it was your marriage counseling program and the belief in myself it gave me. I was now looking at her through the eyes of the man that fell in love with her. After all, I hadn’t changed my appearance. I am now uplifted as I believe now that I can win my wife back; not only win my wife back but also have her fall in love with me and stay in love with me for the rest of my happy life. Yours gratefully- Pat F.

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I must admit that when I first heard about this program I was skeptical.  My wife and I had been married for 15 years, and I really thought that it was time to throw in the towel.  We had very much become two entities co-existing on the same plain.  We saw each other, we occasionally would give each other a little peck on the cheek, but we were not a married couple we had been reduced to being roommates.  I had too much respect for myself to cheat on my wife, although, I had begun thinking about it, and eventually just thought that divorce was going to be inevitable.

Well, obviously my wife and I both realized that we were heading down the path of no return, with a non-existant sex life and barely talking at all, my wife had the good sense to get the program that changed our marriage forever.

I knew that we hadn’t been passionate about each other but I wasn’t really sure why.  I didn’t even realize how powerful just kissing, I mean really kissing my wife could be.  Since instituting the 10 second kiss into our marriage several times a day, the passion is flowing again.  Honestly, I thought that getting my marriage back on track was going to be near impossible, however in just a few weeks we are having more sex, more laughter and just honestly enjoying each other’s company again.  Believe me the kissing works as to other things in this incredible program.  I just can’t believe that a marriage that I was about to throw in the towel on, has done such a complete turn around.  I feel like a newlywed all over again, thanks Dr. Ellen, you have been an amazing catalyst to getting our marriage back on track.

I wanted to share a success story with you after having listened to your Light Her Fire program. My wife and I have been married for 31 years and after all this time you could say that things were pretty predictable and we had your typical marriage problems. I was at the airport, coming home from a business trip and I thought about getting her a card (which I wouldn’t normally do). I also included a note which said I brought her 3 presents: The first to tell her how I feel about her, the second to say how sweet she is, and the third to say how loving she was. The first was a small bag of peanuts I saved from the flight. I covered up the “pea” to say that I was “nuts” about her. The second was a delicious chocolate cookie I saved from the flight to say how “sweet she was.” The third was a box of Good and Plenty (these are a favorite of hers and an idea of yours) to say that loving her was “good and plenty.” (Total investment in these presents was under $5 and the payoff was equal to an expensive piece of jewelry.) I left the room after giving her the card and presents. When I returned she was wiping a couple of tears away (she almost never cries). I then sat down to ask her how she was doing, how her job was going, etc. She talked on and on as I listened and asked more questions. The evening turned out to be a very romantic one, just as you predicted it would be. What fun! I listen to the program often as a resource to remind me how physical I am and how psychological she is. It’s really that simple. Thanks – Jonathan R.

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Please take a minute and let others know just how well Dr. Ellen’s, marriage counseling alternative “Light Her Fire”, has worked for you.

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