The best marriages on the planet are those in which the partners are friends.  But being a friend to your spouse can be difficult, if you are not mature enough to handle it.  It is my personal feeling that married couples should share just about everything.  The reason I am saying just about everything is that there are some things that if they are said are just hurtful and serve no purpose in telling.  This does not include things like affairs or substance abuse problems, but more like little things like about how members of the opposite sex look to you.  Like I don’t want my husband to start drooling at some woman who walks past while we are having dinner together, nor do I want him to comment on her.  When we are together I want his focus and this is something that we both feel is appropriate.  However, I do know that my husband did not go blind the day we married and heck, sometimes a woman comes by that even I have to look at.

Ultimately, if you want to best relationship possible then you need to be able to share.  However, I am warning you men, that some women have not evolved to this place yet.  I personally feel that it is in my best interest to have an open relationship with my husband, and by open I mean communication wise.  It is important to know how they really feel and what they really think.  Don’t start this by just telling her everything you have been keeping from her off the bat, it is a gradual process, and is best started by her.  Allowing her to tell you things about her day, that normally would have set you off, like when I was at lunch today…Frank… and that’s it your saying, who is he, why were you at lunch with him.  Now you have shut down communication and the next time she has a story about Frank, you can be sure that you won’t be hearing it.  Reacting like this just creates distrust.  You can not keep another if they don’t want to be kept.  So stop thinking that she is cheating and just don’t think about it.  Trust is the best part of any relationship worth having.

Honestly, many people who are cheating on their spouse say “I never meant for this to happen”.  Well, I think that is because many people don’t realize that they may have not meant to do it, but they kept allowing the opportunity to occur time and time again.

First you must keep in mind that men and women are very different.  Men are a bit naive when it comes to what a woman is truly capable of.  Women are planners, and if they are interested in a man they will find a way to weasel themselves into his life, married or not.  They will find out where he eats, where he hangs out with his friends, and where he works out.  She will keep finding reasons to be where you are when you are there.  Most men think that this is a coincidence when in fact she is carefully stacking her cards to make a move.  So the very first thing is don’t be naive.

Secondly, and I believe the true key to keeping yourself faithful to your spouse is to stay away from fire.  It is a normal reaction to feel attracted to someone, but you don’t need to act on those feelings.  If you know there is a woman that you are attracted to then stay away.  You don’t need to complicate your life and confuse your own feelings by being around that person.  Be sure that you are not alone with this person.  Do not meet outside of the work place, even when in a group, and if you must attend a business function or something like that then bring your wife along.  This will insure that nothing will be happening.  If for some reason this person lets you know that they are interested immediately reinforce to them that you are not interested and that you are happily married.  For some this will be a deterrent.

Whatever you do, don’t allow the opportunities to get the best of you.  If you don’t set yourself up for trouble, then more than likely you won’t get into any.  Remember, don’t even flirt with the idea of having an affair, and you will steer clear of one.  Focus your energy on your marriage and if you are having marriage problems then seek out the help from a marriage counseling expert.  An affair will only compound your problems, it won’t make anything better.

Many men hear the words Marriage Counseling and freeze up.  I think perhaps this is because many men don’t want to air their problems to another person, and they don’t want to deal with the underlying emotions that having marriage problems can invoke.  This is what one man says about his reaction to marriage counseling and the Light Her Fire / Light His Fire:

I came in from work one day, not really knowing what my wife wanted from me, when she told me to come sit down with her at the table.  At first I really thought that someone had died or something horrible had happened, and then like that she just sprung it on me, “Honey, I think that we should go see a marriage counselor”.  I am not sure what the look on my face said at that moment, but I can tell you the thoughts that were running through my head, who me, why? Are you cheating on me? Am I not enough man for you? Don’t get me wrong, I did see that the spark wasn’t there anymore, but I thought that was just the way a marriage was.  Over time we had grown to me more like room mates, moving through the house trying to stay out of the other person’s way.  Sure we didn’t talk as much and didn’t have sex as much, but that was normal, wasn’t it? I told her I was fine with the idea of counseling, when in fact I really wasn’t.  I didn’t really see how bringing another person in was going to help us.  She made an appointment and I found the whole thing very mundane, she said what was bothering her, then I said my piece.  The counselor nodded a lot and threw in a few open-ended questions, but after a few weeks, I could see that we were just going around in circles.  I knew my wife must be truly unhappy if she thought we needed counseling, and she seemed to be getting very frustrated with the counseling.  I decided that I really needed something that could save my marriage, and so I began looking online and found Dr. Ellen’s Light His Fire and Light Her Fire.  The price was extremely reasonable, especially compared to how much we were spending on counseling each week, so I decided to order it.  Well, when it first arrived, I didn’t even tell my wife about it.  I figured I really needed to see if it was going to help.  I started to follow some of the advice that Dr. Ellen gave, and honestly, I was shocked that my wife responded so positively to the things I was doing.  A few days later, I shared Dr. Ellen’s program with her.  I can’t tell you how much this program has added to our lives and our marriage.  I never thought that we would ever feel this way about each other again.  Thanks Dr. Ellen, we couldn’t have done it without you.

Marriage problems are not uncommon, but working together to come through them is truly possible.  The one thing that you must keep in mind is that you need to work through and talk through a problem, however then in order to move past it, you must resolve to tuck it away.  Many people make this mistake and it is perhaps one of the biggest things that can drive a marriage into the ground.  One partner rehashing the past over and over again, bringing it up and then throwing it their wife’s face every chance they get.  Unfortunately, even the best marriage counseling can’t help if you aren’t willing to let go of something.

Take my friend Alex.  He was married with two children, and suspected that his wife was cheating on him.  Once he confirmed it, he confronted her and they talked about it.  She agreed to stop seeing the man and work on their relationship and she told him where she was every minute of the day.  She wanted to make him feel secure, and to some extent it worked over time it looked as if things were going better, but Alex couldn’t let go of it.  Every opportunity, even in front of others, he would make little digs or throw it up in her face.  Finally, over time, they started to grow apart again and they couldn’t get past the affair from over a year earlier.

This is what happens to many people.  It is not that you should forget about it, but you can’t heal a situation if you can’t move past it.  Brining up the past over and over again, will never give your spouse the opportunity to change and grow.  You need to make a choice and decide whether you want to work on your relationship or move on.   Putting in the effort to address your marriage problems means taking the initiative to put the past behind you and move on to a better future.  Throwing the past up in someone’s face over and over again, truly accomplishes nothing, because you can’t change the past, but you can change the future.