What would we do without a sense of humor? Humor can see us through the worst of times and make the good times even better. For most women, a sense of humor is one of the most valuable traits a man can possess.

My husband has a very funny, wry sense of humor, and that’s one of the reasons I fell in love with him. He has always made me laugh, especially when a sense of humor is needed in a particularly upsetting situation.

Many times, the element of surprise is very funny. Mason said that one night he decided to change his position in bed one hundred and eighty degrees. He put his feet where his head normally would be and his head where his feet usually were. His wife came from the bathroom into the dark bedroom and climbed into bed just as she did every night and talked to him a little. Then she rolled over, thinking she would snuggle up to his warm chest, but instead she found herself embracing a foot. She was still giggling when she got up the next morning.

Wade walked into the bedroom completely naked with a paper bag over his head. In a serious tone he asked his wife, “Would you still recognize me if you couldn’t see my face?” “Alicia just cracked up,” he said. “She couldn’t stop laughing for at least an hour.”

Murray was able to begin Jana’s day with a smile. As soon as the alarm rang, he climbed over her to get out of bed. When she asked what he was doing, he said, he said that every day he got out of bed on the left side, which was very lonely. Today, he decided to get up on the right side, where it wasn’t so lonely. Jana laughed and told me she thought about it the whole day.

These examples are funny because of the spirit in which they’re given. But there is a big difference between that kind of humor and a cutting remark that is cruel and insensitive.

Donald explained that before “Light Her Fire,”  (your marriage counseling alternative)Jill was usually the brunt of his jokes, “I’d poke fun at her cooking, driving, interests, and anything else I could think of when we were around other people. Now I realize that what I was doing was really mean.” He said that the previous Saturday night, they had had friends over, and he had consciously passed up something that before would have been the brunt of some cruel joke. “Jill had taken a class on ESP,” he said. “Our friends seemed very interested in what she was saying about it, and instead of doing my usual, which would have been something like, ‘Yeah, next week we’re going to put her on The Twilight Zone,’ I put my arm around her when she was talking. When she finished, I said, ‘I’m really proud that Jill has learned so much.’ She beamed and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Later, she told me how surprised she was that I hadn’t made fun of her. What she didn’t know was I had decided I was never going to do that to her again.”

Here are some guidelines to use in judging whether something is funny or not.

*It’s funny if you’re sure it’s something she’s not sensitive about

*It’s funny if you are not making fun of her weaknesses.

*It’s funny if it doesn’t cause her pain.

*It’s funny if you’re not revealing something she told you in confidence

*It’s funny if it doesn’t humiliate her.

Do you have a funny story to tell? I’d love to hear about your sense of humor.-Dr. Ellen