Men need sex, but so do women.  Most men think that women don’t need sex, however this is not really so.  For a man, the act of sexual intercourse reaffirms their belief in the love that they share with their spouse.  For women, however, they need a certain amount of tenderness and caring to feel loved, and although they do truly enjoy the physical act of love, they find it difficult to feel “in the mood” when they are feeling overwhelmed and have a lack of connection to their spouse.  Men on the other hand tend to be more flexible with sex than women.

So as a guy, you need to be aware of these differences and work to improve your relationship, which will in turn help you to improve your sex life.  This is why it is so important for you to really understand they way to build up your relationship to an intimacy level that allows you to experience the true nature of your feeling for each other which will, I assure you increase your libido and hers.    The following things can be little changes that can make a big difference.

1.  Call her.  Whether you are out with friends or on a break at work, just letting her know that you are thinking of her can really help things.

2.  Put her first.  When she gets home from work, get off the phone or shut off the TV.  Doing this will her see that she matters more than other things in your life.

3.  Communicate your needs, but also allow her to communicate hers.  Use the echo without sounding like a parrot.  Let her know what you are hearing her say, so that she can clarify if need be.

4.  Don’t forget that you love her.  Always act lovingly, kind and respectful.  Don’t yell, tantrum or blame.  If you occasionally mess up, be sure to apologize, before she asks you to.

When Alex married Sara, he knew what he was getting, or at least he thought so.  He took the vows seriously, and has continued to remain faithful to her, despite some of the problems in their marriage.  His biggest problem however, is Sara’s weight.  At first when she gained a few pounds, he didn’t mind it, she had always been a little underweight and he didn’t mind her with a few extra pounds on her.  She had always been active and still liked to go out and hang with friends, and so it was all good.  Now it is only 6 years 4 months since their walk down the isle and Sara is over 200 lbs.  She did put on some of the weight with pregnancy, so he really thought that it would come off in time, however, that was 2 years ago, and her weight seems to still be going up and not down.

Alex says, “I love my wife, but she repulses me.  I don’t find her sexually attractive, and quite honestly making love to her is really something that I am just not compelled to do anymore.” He tells that they have a child together and that he doesn’t want to leave her, but he is constantly being lured in by thinner more attractive women, and is afraid that one day he will give in to these urges.

Now many people may believe that Alex’s complaints are merely superficial, however with the added weight have come changes in Sara’s behavior also, so this is actually a realistic concern.  Realize that I am not saying that gaining a few pounds is a reason to leave your spouse, but it can cause issues in a relationship.

The important thing to realize is that as long as there is not an underlying health issue, your wife may be putting on weight because she is unhappy.  She may be depressed or frustrated, and not necessarily with you but with her life.  It is important that together you work on this issue and improve your communication with each other to get to the bottom of the real issues.

Be careful not to criticize the weight gain or her physical appearance, but to let her know that you are sensing that she is unhappy and that you would like to work on this together.  She will not only appreciate your support, but by taking this approach you can also help to improve your marriage.

Many believe that couples that have been together for many, many years, have just not faced the difficulties that those who have divorced have faced.  You might be surprised to learn that longevity in a marriage is not created by an absence of marriage problems, but by the actual marriage problems themselves.

Those couples have faced the obstacles of going broke, of infidelity, of anger and frustration, the absence of sex, the changing of roles, the child rearing years, the empty nest syndrome, and the retiring spouse.  They understand what you are going through, just ask them, because surely any couple who has stood the test of time, has truly emerged a healthier and happier couple, cemented by instead of being ripped apart by those harrowing life experiences.

Understand that the expression that “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”, is indeed true, not only of individual life experiences, but those that you face as a couple as well.  Growth comes from problem solving together, by recommitting to your spouse over and over again.  Understand that what ever the problems in your marriage currently, that you can turn things around, make a change, and work together towards resolution.  Open your heart, and in turn your spouse’s heart will open too.  Remember the commitment that you made to each other and the love that you once shared, even if it seems far removed from your heart right now, and find a way to reconnect and rebuild.  Working through your marriage problems together will help you experience a love connection like you have never before experienced, a deep emotional connection that just continues to grow over time.

Sometimes things occur in a marriage or in life in general that may force you to be separated from your spouse for a while.  For some this is heading off to war, family issues, or even a separation due to marriage problems.  When you return after a significant absence, you may find it difficult to be around your spouse, and if the separation has been for a significant amount of time, this can be a totally normal process, and does not mean that you don’t love and care about each other, and does not mean that it is time for a divorce.  Keep in mind that human beings are dynamic and constantly being changed by their circumstances and surroundings.  As a person grows, they change and sometimes these changes can be significant, however, they usually don’t affect the core of who the person truly is and this is something to keep in mind when trying to reconnect.

Understand, that if you find your marriage is in this reconnection phase, that this is an opportunity for rebirth.  An opportunity to start anew rediscovering each other in ways that you never have before.  Just because you have been together for a while, doesn’t mean that this will be comfortable, but think of it as a way to court all over again.  Date, bring her flowers, and listen to what she says.  This is an opportunity to rediscover your love with this new person, and since you are starting fresh it is a new day.  Don’t be resentful of the changes you see, but embrace them and instead of seeing these changes as having taken something from you consider it as if you are getting to know someone new, because in essence, you truly are.

I write this especially for all those who are having to reconnect after separation due to the war.  Keep in mind that you are returning a new person, and your wife is probably a different person also, so don’t expect everything to be the same as it was.  It can still be good, just not exactly the same.

Many times we allow the holidays to become a very stressful time.  We run around doing and going without giving much thought to it all.  The holidays can be much more than this if you allow it.  It can be a very romantic time, a time to reconnect with your family and especially with your spouse.  Doing little things for the holiday that leave you some time for romance can be the best option.  Instead of worrying about purchasing stuff for your spouse for the holiday, look for ways that you can spend quality time and reconnect a little.  Bank on the fact that holidays bring up nostalgia for all of us, and use it as a time to reminisce about your holidays past.  Look at pictures from yesterday, or do something for your spouse to let them know that you remember something special from their childhood or from a similar holiday spent together.  Sometimes one of the best things we can do is look back at our history together to regain those loving memories and feelings of the past.  This can actually help you look at your spouse with new eyes, or maybe old ones.

Use the holidays as an opportunity for love and you will find that your marriage problems will vanish as you reconnect to the love you had once upon a time.

The one thing that sets aside the marital relationship from every other relationship that we have in our lives is the sexual component.  We all want a multi-faceted relationship with our spouse, however without the sexual component it is the equivalent of every other room mate situation or every other friendship that we have.  Sex is not just a physical act, it is an emotionally and mentally charged event that incorporates the physical love into a connection that is beyond spiritual.  This is the reason that sex is so important to the marital relationship, it is a connection and a bond that is shared on an intimate level between two people.

Many couples seem to be struggling to realize the importance of intercourse in their marriage.  With responsibilities taking hold, and so many things to do and places to go, more and more couples are living out platonic existances, not because they don’t love each other, but because by the time they slow down in their lives they are darn near exhaustion and ready to drop.  So what needs to be done to stop this trend is to reprioritize.  Just like laundry, dishes, and toothbrushing, you must schedule sex in.  Most couples think that this is just too much.  They don’t want to have sex on schedule, they want to have sex when they are in the mood.  So ask yourself…”When was the last time I was in the mood?” and for the most part, you probably can remember.  Reignigting your sex life, is important and to do this you must have sex with your wife, like it or not.  If you continue to live out a platonic relationship, then one or the other of you will find yourself having an affair before long, because sexual urges are natural feelings.  So make more time for your spouse, and for sex.  Put it on the calander and stick to it.  This doesn’t mean that you have to have sex everytime you are together, but use this time for intimacy and closeness, and you may find that your sexual urges are still lurking underneath it all.

One of the facts that many times is overlooked, is that living together is not a guarantee of a successful marriage.  Many marriage counselors believe that it is in the act of marriage that we transition our loved one into family status, and begin treating them as family instead of as a love interest.  In doing this many couples lose that spark that thing that made them feel so special and so attracted to that other person.  In other words, instead of being that someone special, on their wedding day many couples begin thinking and acting like their spouse is just one of the family.  This for many couples is the beginning of the end.

Perhaps, we just don’t treat our family members with the same respect that we treat other people in our lives, or maybe it is just we think that we can take them for granted because after all, we are family.  They can’t divorce us, can’t rid themselves of us, but yet a spouse can and will if we don’t live up to the expectations they have for us.

Instead of treating them as a fixture in our lives, perhaps we should be treating them as the treasured airloom that they are.  Giving them that place of highest honor and respect.  Using nice manners and always respecting them, whether they are present or not.  I know that most of us don’t mean to take our spouses for granted, yet somehow over time it just happens.

So let’s try and get back to the basics.  Treat your wife with respect and like she is a gift and I am sure that the favor will be returned.  Learning to appreciate what we have is one of the basic principles of life, and this rule can not only solve marriage problems, but many other problems in life as well.

Many men become increasingly frustrated when their wife isn’t in the mood.  They take this as a rejection and they become very hurt and resentful.  This can be the source of some serious marriage problems.

First it must be understood that men and women look at their sexual relationship differently.  Men use it as a way to give and receive love.  They believe that by making love to their wife, that they are not only showing her that they love her, but she is showing him that she loves him back.

Next, it must be understood that although women want to show their man that they love them, most women feel that they do this by doing nice things for them, and that sex is just something that you do when you are in the mood and not to show love.

Also, it must be acknowledged that many women are not aware of the fact that men use sex to measure love, so the best thing that you can do is to tell your wife just that.  Don’t be afraid to tell her that when she repeatedly rejects your sexual advances, this makes you feel that she doesn’t love and care about you, and that leaves you feeling hurt, sad and frustrated.

I know that many men think that this sounds a bit corny, but I can truly assure you that most women, don’t realize what they are saying by not having sex with you.  Letting them know how that makes you feel and why it is important to you, can make all the difference in your sex life and in your marriage.

Most people would agree that communication is a key to any relationship, however for men, when asked about communication they seem to think that this is just a barrage of endless conversation with no end in sight, which to them seems relatively pointless and boring.  What most men don’t realize however, is the importance of non verbal communication, things like body language, touching and eye contact, which are actually more what your wife is paying attention to then the actual words.  These things are essential to your wife and she is reading you and what you are telling her non verbally probably much more than you realize.

This is one of the essential difference between men and women and one of the reasons why many couples wind up in marriage counseling or even divorced.  Many marriage problems occur when the communication lines are crossed and the problem is that men and women just identify with things differently.

Women will tend to be very vague about the issues, saying things like I can’t tell that you love me anymore, and a man will try to solve the problem with an action, so he will either try to say I love you to her more or he will try to have sex with her more.  For a man, he is trying to solve the problem and for a women, this isn’t cutting.  When your wife says that she can’t tell you love her, she wants you to communicate this by listening to her attentively, being aware of her feelings and needs, and touching her in a loving way, whether that is giving her a hug when she is having a bad day, or a foot rub at the end of a hard one.  There is a tenderness that she is looking for from you.

Men tend to be very literal beings while females tend to be very much about feelings and this is sometimes the reason for the breakdown in communication between a husband and a wife.  It is like speaking in two different languages.  Men need action steps and women aren’t giving them, so men tend to get frustrated and give up.  It is really not anyone’s fault, but it is the difference between men and women and it is something that needs to be understood by both partners in your marriage.

Here is a question most husbands ask themselves…What does my wife really want from me? The answer is really quite simple.  Do you remember your first date, or any first date that you have been on? Do you remember how attentive you were? How adoringly you looked at her? Well, that is exactly what she wants from you.  Whether she is all dressed up for an evening out or lounging around the house in her flannel pajamas, she wants to be your number one.  She wants you to be so in love with her that you can’t help but want to be near her.  Everyday she wants to feel as if there is no one you would rather be with in the whole wide world.

It may not be as simple as that for you, but I am telling you right now if you can put yourself in the mind set of how you felt when the two of you first started dating, it will help not only your wife, but your relationship with her.

I think back to one night when my husband and I were first dating.  I was working and when I came out of work to my car he had put a giant teddy bear in my drivers seat, and a little baby bear in my daughter’s car seat.  It was by far one of the cutest things that he has done to date, not very expensive just thoughtful.  Thoughtful ideas don’t have to be elaborate or expensive, just ideas from the heart, that let her know that you were thinking about her and that you care.  It can be difficult to come up with creative ideas, but trust me it is worth the efforts.  The truth is in the same way that most men are still little boys at heart, most women are little girls, and just want to be coddled, loved and appreciated.

And even when your wife says, it doesn’t matter, the truth is it does.  Try it and see how her face lights up and her heart lightens with just a few sweet gestures.  It makes a big difference.