One of the facts that many times is overlooked, is that living together is not a guarantee of a successful marriage.  Many marriage counselors believe that it is in the act of marriage that we transition our loved one into family status, and begin treating them as family instead of as a love interest.  In doing this many couples lose that spark that thing that made them feel so special and so attracted to that other person.  In other words, instead of being that someone special, on their wedding day many couples begin thinking and acting like their spouse is just one of the family.  This for many couples is the beginning of the end.

Perhaps, we just don’t treat our family members with the same respect that we treat other people in our lives, or maybe it is just we think that we can take them for granted because after all, we are family.  They can’t divorce us, can’t rid themselves of us, but yet a spouse can and will if we don’t live up to the expectations they have for us.

Instead of treating them as a fixture in our lives, perhaps we should be treating them as the treasured airloom that they are.  Giving them that place of highest honor and respect.  Using nice manners and always respecting them, whether they are present or not.  I know that most of us don’t mean to take our spouses for granted, yet somehow over time it just happens.

So let’s try and get back to the basics.  Treat your wife with respect and like she is a gift and I am sure that the favor will be returned.  Learning to appreciate what we have is one of the basic principles of life, and this rule can not only solve marriage problems, but many other problems in life as well.

Here is a question most husbands ask themselves…What does my wife really want from me? The answer is really quite simple.  Do you remember your first date, or any first date that you have been on? Do you remember how attentive you were? How adoringly you looked at her? Well, that is exactly what she wants from you.  Whether she is all dressed up for an evening out or lounging around the house in her flannel pajamas, she wants to be your number one.  She wants you to be so in love with her that you can’t help but want to be near her.  Everyday she wants to feel as if there is no one you would rather be with in the whole wide world.

It may not be as simple as that for you, but I am telling you right now if you can put yourself in the mind set of how you felt when the two of you first started dating, it will help not only your wife, but your relationship with her.

I think back to one night when my husband and I were first dating.  I was working and when I came out of work to my car he had put a giant teddy bear in my drivers seat, and a little baby bear in my daughter’s car seat.  It was by far one of the cutest things that he has done to date, not very expensive just thoughtful.  Thoughtful ideas don’t have to be elaborate or expensive, just ideas from the heart, that let her know that you were thinking about her and that you care.  It can be difficult to come up with creative ideas, but trust me it is worth the efforts.  The truth is in the same way that most men are still little boys at heart, most women are little girls, and just want to be coddled, loved and appreciated.

And even when your wife says, it doesn’t matter, the truth is it does.  Try it and see how her face lights up and her heart lightens with just a few sweet gestures.  It makes a big difference.

Personally in my own marriage, one of the biggest struggles we have lately is over money.  My husband thinks that he works too hard to not have any, yet he comes from a background where his mother kept all the money from his father, and so on some level, he thinks that I am trying to get over or something.  It doesn’t happen all the time, but when something comes up and he feels he should have money, he panics to say the least.

Just this past week, my husband was asked what he would be getting me for my birthday.  Realizing that he hadn’t even thought about it and the fact that money is still tight, he knew he wasn’t really going to get me anything.  He politely told the woman, who by the way meant no harm by her inquiry, that he didn’t know.  He came home in a foul mood, and I couldn’t figure out what was going on, when I finally got it out of him, that he was upset that he couldn’t get me anything for my birthday.

Please understand that I am a very non-materialistic person.  The things that matter most to me are my family and friends.  I don’t really want for or ask for things, I am content just being.  Well, during this exchange he was nearly yelling at me.  I tried explaining to him that I knew this was frustrating him, but that coupling the fact that he couldn’t get me a birthday present, with yelling at me was just really not what I needed with my impending birthday.  He did snap out of it and realize what he had done.

The point is, there are truly a million different things that he could do to make my birthday special for me, without spending a dime.  He could make a romantic dinner, write me a letter, a poem, do something nice for me, or any number of other things.  The money is not what is important to me, hasn’t been since the day we met.  All I want is to be acknowledged and loved by those I love.  For me that means more than any million dollar item that he could buy.  Thoughtfulness, doesn’t have to cost money.