When Alex married Sara, he knew what he was getting, or at least he thought so.  He took the vows seriously, and has continued to remain faithful to her, despite some of the problems in their marriage.  His biggest problem however, is Sara’s weight.  At first when she gained a few pounds, he didn’t mind it, she had always been a little underweight and he didn’t mind her with a few extra pounds on her.  She had always been active and still liked to go out and hang with friends, and so it was all good.  Now it is only 6 years 4 months since their walk down the isle and Sara is over 200 lbs.  She did put on some of the weight with pregnancy, so he really thought that it would come off in time, however, that was 2 years ago, and her weight seems to still be going up and not down.

Alex says, “I love my wife, but she repulses me.  I don’t find her sexually attractive, and quite honestly making love to her is really something that I am just not compelled to do anymore.” He tells that they have a child together and that he doesn’t want to leave her, but he is constantly being lured in by thinner more attractive women, and is afraid that one day he will give in to these urges.

Now many people may believe that Alex’s complaints are merely superficial, however with the added weight have come changes in Sara’s behavior also, so this is actually a realistic concern.  Realize that I am not saying that gaining a few pounds is a reason to leave your spouse, but it can cause issues in a relationship.

The important thing to realize is that as long as there is not an underlying health issue, your wife may be putting on weight because she is unhappy.  She may be depressed or frustrated, and not necessarily with you but with her life.  It is important that together you work on this issue and improve your communication with each other to get to the bottom of the real issues.

Be careful not to criticize the weight gain or her physical appearance, but to let her know that you are sensing that she is unhappy and that you would like to work on this together.  She will not only appreciate your support, but by taking this approach you can also help to improve your marriage.

Many believe that couples that have been together for many, many years, have just not faced the difficulties that those who have divorced have faced.  You might be surprised to learn that longevity in a marriage is not created by an absence of marriage problems, but by the actual marriage problems themselves.

Those couples have faced the obstacles of going broke, of infidelity, of anger and frustration, the absence of sex, the changing of roles, the child rearing years, the empty nest syndrome, and the retiring spouse.  They understand what you are going through, just ask them, because surely any couple who has stood the test of time, has truly emerged a healthier and happier couple, cemented by instead of being ripped apart by those harrowing life experiences.

Understand that the expression that “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”, is indeed true, not only of individual life experiences, but those that you face as a couple as well.  Growth comes from problem solving together, by recommitting to your spouse over and over again.  Understand that what ever the problems in your marriage currently, that you can turn things around, make a change, and work together towards resolution.  Open your heart, and in turn your spouse’s heart will open too.  Remember the commitment that you made to each other and the love that you once shared, even if it seems far removed from your heart right now, and find a way to reconnect and rebuild.  Working through your marriage problems together will help you experience a love connection like you have never before experienced, a deep emotional connection that just continues to grow over time.

Marriage is a commitment.  A lifetime promise to another person to stick by them no matter what happens.  It is easy to make the commitment when you are all gaga over each other.  Then it is yes, yes, yeeesssss.  But somewhere along the line, you see them sick and cranky.  You each get busy fufilling your “responsibilities” in life and the relationship is suddenly in the back seat, on or in the trunk, or quite honestly has perhaps rolled off the back of the car completely, and before you know it you are sitting next to each other on the couch wondering “what went wrong?” Thinking to yourself “do I even want to save my marriage?”

Well, maybe this is you.  If it is, before you think about leaving your spouse and moving on, there are some things that you really need to think about.  First off, most second marriages work out worse than the first ones.  Secondly, remember that commitment, it didn’t say, until I am bored and tired of my spouse.  Marriage is a commitment, one that is meant to last a lifetime.  So if you are thinking about having an affair, think about using some of that energy, zest and romance that you have stored up on winning back your mate.

Don’t allow your heart to wander.  Find love with your husband again, and do it now.

1. Focus on the good in your spouse and in your life together.  Sometimes a new perspective can make all the difference.

2. Treat your spouse as if he were someone new.  Act as if you are dating for the first time, how would you treat him.

3. Dress and act to impress.  Just as you would do when you are courting someone, come to bed looking and smelling good.  Give him a long kiss in the morning (after you brush) and flirt with him the whole day through.  Make him know that you want him and the anticipation of what will come later on, will have you both excited to be together.

Love is not something that just happens, it is grown and cultivated.  So nurture, yourself, your spouse and your marriage and watch it blossom into something you cherish.

Many times when first meeting someone, we tend to put our best foot forward, after all we want them to like us and to show us their approval.  Sometimes, though, when we are in this beginning “getting to know you” phase, we pretend to be something that we aren’t.  We pretend to like what the other person likes or do things that are out of character just to make an impression.  This is called the honeymoon phase of the relationship and this is just really the getting to know you phase.  The problem for many couples is that they go into marriage before they even really know each other.  Then after they marry they find out that they have different ideas and opinions about things.

Working together on your marriage may mean compromise, however it should not require you to check your own spirit at the door just to co-habitate with your spouse.  If you are doing this, you are living a lie.  Many men especially feel that it is best to avoid the argument or heated discussion in order to keep the peace.  In the short term, this method may be working, however in the long run, it will more than likely create marriage problems and a deep seeded resentment in the other person.

So don’t completely sacrifice yourself for the sake of the relationship.  Instead try and communicate your feelings and work to find a middle ground, and if at first you don’t succeed, then keep trying because marriage is a lifetime commitment and one that should not be taken lightly.

A good marriage is built on good communication.  Many couples experience marriage problems when the communication begins to break down.  One of the biggest problems in the communication of feuding couples is the blame game.  Everyone feels the need to put the fault on the other person.  This is why when many couples go to marriage counseling, they learn how to word what they are trying to say in phrases like “I feel” or “this hurts me”.  Doing this stops them from saying things like “you do this” or “you don’t do that”.

This does not mean that you need to squash your feelings or not talk about the things that are bothering you to save the other person’s feelings.  The reason for the change in the wording is very simple; When we feel that we are being blamed for something, we feel as if we are under attack, and so we defend.  When a person is defensive, they are ready to leap on every word, without listening for the true meaning underlying what is being said.  Once the words…you do this…come out, you may as well end the discussion right there, because the person is already on the defensive and no matter how nicely worded a war will most likely ensue.

Remember that it takes two to make a marriage work and two to make a marriage fail.  Working together for the greater good of the relationship, really needs to be the goal of both the husband and the wife, and the key to it all is effective communication without blame.

Sometimes things occur in a marriage or in life in general that may force you to be separated from your spouse for a while.  For some this is heading off to war, family issues, or even a separation due to marriage problems.  When you return after a significant absence, you may find it difficult to be around your spouse, and if the separation has been for a significant amount of time, this can be a totally normal process, and does not mean that you don’t love and care about each other, and does not mean that it is time for a divorce.  Keep in mind that human beings are dynamic and constantly being changed by their circumstances and surroundings.  As a person grows, they change and sometimes these changes can be significant, however, they usually don’t affect the core of who the person truly is and this is something to keep in mind when trying to reconnect.

Understand, that if you find your marriage is in this reconnection phase, that this is an opportunity for rebirth.  An opportunity to start anew rediscovering each other in ways that you never have before.  Just because you have been together for a while, doesn’t mean that this will be comfortable, but think of it as a way to court all over again.  Date, bring her flowers, and listen to what she says.  This is an opportunity to rediscover your love with this new person, and since you are starting fresh it is a new day.  Don’t be resentful of the changes you see, but embrace them and instead of seeing these changes as having taken something from you consider it as if you are getting to know someone new, because in essence, you truly are.

I write this especially for all those who are having to reconnect after separation due to the war.  Keep in mind that you are returning a new person, and your wife is probably a different person also, so don’t expect everything to be the same as it was.  It can still be good, just not exactly the same.

Obviously, communication in all areas of your relationship will help make the act of physical love more enjoyable.  Communication in the bedroom is equally as important to both male and females, and understanding your spouses need and erogenous zones can help you both maximize your enjoyment in your sex life.

The top 5 female erogenous zones

The neck

Soft kissing in the region of the neck, the area from the shoulder to just below the ear can send chills up and down her spine.  This is perhaps one of the most sensitive areas of the female body and you will find that using your tongue and lips to massage her neck, that the rest of her anatomy will also respond to these sensations.

The ear lobes

Although, not a turn on for every woman, many women are very turned on by having someone suck on their  ear lobes . While you’re there you can whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Close facial contact is something that most women really like in addition to kissing her, this give you another way to get close face to face.

The nipples

Another extremely sensitive area, the breasts are very simply caressed either with your fingers or tongue.  You will find that stimulating this area will arouse her in ways that you could only imagine.

The belly button

Working your way down her body, the belly button is another area you should stimulate before full intercourse. Kissing this area with your lips and tongue will cause vibrations that will vibrate through her reproductive area and begin to stimulate her G spot.

The G Spot

Now, keep in mind that not all women have a G-spot, so it is very important to stimulate a woman in other ways.  The G spot is located on the roof of the vagina, on the belly side and is about the size and shape of a 2 pence coin.  It is located about 4 inches in.  If you are having trouble locating it, you can ask her if she has already located it and she can point you in the right direction.  It is important to realize that even if you don’t locate the G-spot you can still please her and get her to orgasm over and over by incorporating some stimulation of the other erogenous zones of the body.

Having a good sexual relationship is an important part of any marriage, and communication is definitely the key to having the best sex life possible.

Many men seem to think that this is the answer to pleasing a woman, but really this should be the least of your concerns.  Once married, you will truly realize that there is a lot more to pleasing your wife then just finding the G spot in bed.  It is much better for not only your sexual relationship but also your overall relationship to put the focus on finding what makes her happy in life.  Finding little ways to please your wife everyday will help you to please her both inside the bedroom and out.

What you will find is that the key to a good sexual relationship is knowing and understanding your spouse.  Knowing emotionally what she needs can really open up the friendship in your marriage and help you to have a closer and more intimate relationship.

Sex is just one part of a marriage and although a very important part, communication is essential to both the physical and emotional components of marriage.  Take the time to get to know your wife and her needs, and let her know you on a more intimate level as well.  Changing the focus from pleasing your wife in bed to pleasing her everyday outside the bedroom, and you will see changes in your sex life that you never thought possible.

What many people don’t realize is that life is what you make of it. This is true in a marriage as well. Living with another person is never simple. There are different beliefs, differences in opinion, not to mention the stresses of day to day living which tend to creep into your marriage and cause marriage problems when you are not looking. Some of the mistakes that cause people to seek out marriage counseling can be more simply solved by looking at your relationship and assessing what it really happening. The following is a guide to communication to help you realize and change your communication to better serve a healthier relationship.

1. The parent-child marriage. This is an issue in which one partner is acting as the grown up and the other is acting as the child. Many times the relationship doesn’t start out this way, however over the years one partner may take over the dominant role causing the other to become more submissive. These relationships don’t usually succeed, because one feels the pressure of always being in charge, while the other one feels like the inferior partner, always being told what to do and where to go. This can really hurt your relationship.

2. Parent-parent Marriage - This where both parties take on both roles and there is a major power struggle in these households. Marriages like this tend to involve a lot of fighting and therefore this is just counterproductive.

3. Child-child Marriage - In this marriage, everyone is being selfish and trying to get what is their’s the important thing to remember is that this is also counterproductive, and causes a lot of fighting, but usually is exhibited in passive aggressive behaviors as opposed to actual confrontational fighting.

4. Adult-Adult Marriage - This is the ideal relationship for a married couple, and also prevents more marriage problems. In a relationship in which two people are working together and meeting each other’s needs and their own makes for the healthiest type of marriage.

My programs for men are a wonderful alternative to marriage counseling. Most people believe that marriage counseling can really help you with the core issues in your marriage. Couples who decide to see a marriage counselor often wind up yelling at each other about the laundry and dishes, when in fact their anger has absolutely nothing to do with what they are fighting about. The problem most couples have is that they are living separate lives and spend very little time communicating with each other. Jobs, children, friends, relatives, all become a priority and the marriage is somewhere at the bottom of the list. It is very easy to become distracted with day to day issues, but sitting down for just 30 minutes a day with your spouse instead of a stranger, can make you feel close and connected again. It is important to put the children to bed, turn off the TV and computer and ignore the home phone, cell phone and Blackberry. This should be quality time that is spent exclusively together with no interruptions. You don’t need to communicate your wants and needs to a third party. You don’t need to pay someone to sit and listen to you, repeat what you have just said and validate your feelings. You need to do that with your spouse! I know this seems like such a simple solution to your very complicated problems but if you will carve out 30 minutes of quality time, you’ll see your marriage change overnight. You show me a couple who has a great sex life in the bedroom and I’ll bet that is the same couple who spends time talking and connecting outside
of the bedroom.