In relationships, there are some issues that seem to effect both men and women.  Many times they try to pretend to be something they are not, only to let their real selves shine through after the wedding, leading to disappointment and despair.  It is important that even in the beginning of a relationship that you are yourself.  Sure you want to put your best food forward, however don’t pretend to like things that you don’t and don’t pretend to be someone that you aren’t.  Many times this is the cause of many marriage problems down the line.  It is not that the woman doesn’t like who you are, but she doesn’t really know who you are.  Many relationships seem to magically change, once they become marriages, and the reason for this is that now you feel free to be who you are.  The truth is if you both were honest about who you were from the beginning then after marriage this should stay the same, no surprises. The other reason that there are issues right after marriage is that once you actually take that walk down the isle, then you each begin to treat each like family instead of like they are a special person to be cherished.  Make sure if you are planning to marry or have recently gotten married that you continue to romance each other and cherish one another, this will make all the difference in your marriage down the road.

Many couples wind up in marriage counseling in the first two years of marriage because of just these issues.  A significant change in your relationship should not occur, but it may take some work on both of your parts to make sure that you stay as much in love after the wedding as you were before it.

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There are so many issues that effect people in relationships, yet many times they come back to one key issue…TRUST. From a very early age we learn very quickly that people don’t always want to hear the truth from us, and at first we learn to tell the “nice lies”. You know the ones like you look really nice in that outfit, or I am really glad that you came over today. Eventually we also learn to use lying as a way to protect ourselves from the fallout. Telling people the truth about things that they may not like and that they may never even find out about, becomes something that we avoid at all costs. Eventually, we learn what to say and when, and when omitting the truth is the wisest decision, but is it ever really wise?

In a relationship, honesty is the foundation, and quite honestly without it a relationship just can’t succeed. How can your spouse trust you if you aren’t being completely honest? Well, it is time to turn things around and start being honest, first with yourself. Then you need to start telling the truth about everything, in a kind way. If you are keeping secrets, then ask yourself, wouldn’t I want to know if she was doing this, or if she was feeling this way? In order to be lovers, you need to be friends. Friends tell each other the truth, and if you can’t be yourself and tell your spouse the truth about things, then ultimately what do you have?