Marriage is a commitment.  A lifetime promise to another person to stick by them no matter what happens.  It is easy to make the commitment when you are all gaga over each other.  Then it is yes, yes, yeeesssss.  But somewhere along the line, you see them sick and cranky.  You each get busy fufilling your “responsibilities” in life and the relationship is suddenly in the back seat, on or in the trunk, or quite honestly has perhaps rolled off the back of the car completely, and before you know it you are sitting next to each other on the couch wondering “what went wrong?” Thinking to yourself “do I even want to save my marriage?”

Well, maybe this is you.  If it is, before you think about leaving your spouse and moving on, there are some things that you really need to think about.  First off, most second marriages work out worse than the first ones.  Secondly, remember that commitment, it didn’t say, until I am bored and tired of my spouse.  Marriage is a commitment, one that is meant to last a lifetime.  So if you are thinking about having an affair, think about using some of that energy, zest and romance that you have stored up on winning back your mate.

Don’t allow your heart to wander.  Find love with your husband again, and do it now.

1. Focus on the good in your spouse and in your life together.  Sometimes a new perspective can make all the difference.

2. Treat your spouse as if he were someone new.  Act as if you are dating for the first time, how would you treat him.

3. Dress and act to impress.  Just as you would do when you are courting someone, come to bed looking and smelling good.  Give him a long kiss in the morning (after you brush) and flirt with him the whole day through.  Make him know that you want him and the anticipation of what will come later on, will have you both excited to be together.

Love is not something that just happens, it is grown and cultivated.  So nurture, yourself, your spouse and your marriage and watch it blossom into something you cherish.

The holiday time is a great time to let your wife know how much you care.  Most people, even when they are in the midst of marriage problems, don’t really want the tensions to be there.  They may be angry at the other person and think that they won’t even bother to get the their spouse a gift this year, however, choosing the right gift can let your wife know that you still care.  Doing this may break through some of the tensions of the past year, and help you start the new year on a whole new foot.  Don’t get me wrong, it won’t fix everything, but letting her know that you still love her and want to work things out, can make a huge impact, especially if you have been closed off to doing things like going to marriage counseling in the past.  Now maybe you want to work things out, but don’t want to go to a marriage counselor.  There are other things that you can do, some of the suggestions are in the Light Her Fire book.  Things like creating an evening of taking care of just her needs.  This can do a lot to show her you care.  It is not a matter of spending a lot of money, that will not be what will impress her.  What will impress her is you taking the time to make her feel special and investing the energy in reaching out to her.  If she has a special interest, then you may want to purchase tickets to an event that she will enjoy and take her for a nice evening.  You may want to buy a self help book for her and read it first, telling her you want to change things.  There are lots of wonderful ways to let her know that above all else you want to work things out and that you want to make changes.  This means showing flexibility in an area that you have been rigid in for a long time.

Chasity writes: “Robert and I had been slowly falling into a pit.  Our marriage didn’t hit the rocks, it just gradually drifted onto the shore.  Neither of us really saw it coming.  I didn’t even think that he knew that I wasn’t happy.  I really thought that he was okay with going down this same path, mundane, day after day, just co-existing.  On Christmas eve, we exchanged our gifts to each other as we always had.  I was amazed when I opened up the Light Your Fire series.  Even more amazed that not only was this what I wanted, and what we needed, but even more amazed that Robert had already listened to the first tape.  I was thrilled that he saw our problems too, and even more thrilled that he wanted things to change.  It was the best gift that I have ever gotten from Robert, and the series has not only been able to save my marriage, but to make it stronger.  We have grown together as a couple and I can’t say enough about the changes it has made for us.  We are now like newlyweds all over again, and after 27 years of marriage that is really saying a lot!”

Dear Dr Ellen-

I can’t tell you what a change your Light His Fire and Light Her Fire books have made in my marriage.  I can’t really say that Joe and I were on the brink of divorce, I think that it would be more accurate to say that we were suffering silently.  Neither of us really wanting to divorce, both wanting to be a full time force in the lives of our children, and at the very least settling for a lifeless marriage, where passion and romance had become a thing of the past.

When I was looking for things that I could do to help bring some life back into my marriage, I came across your site almost immediately, and thought to myself that if anyone could save my marriage it would be you.  Well, I ordered your books, but was a little skeptical and thought my husband would think that I was nutty, so I decided to start reading Light His Fire while he was at work for a few days and see how it went.  As I started reading I realized right away that this book was for me and as I began working some of the steps, I began to really see things begin to change.  Amazingly to my surprise so did Joe and it didn’t take long at all before he was smiling at me again, the way he used to years ago.  I shared with him the Light Her Fire book and he was so impressed with how Light His Fire was working that he immediately started reading.  Well, that is when things really began to take off.  This past weekend, we took the kids to Grandmas and spent a few days at home alone together.  I can’t just say that we enjoyed our time together, we had a blast and were laughing and playing like teenagers.

Your books have really turned not only our marriage problems around, but have created a much better environment for us to be raising our children in.  I personally believe that you have not only saved my marriage, but the marriages of my children in the future.  After all, how can they have a successful marriage if they don’t know what it looks like?

With Sincere Thanks,

The Carzone Family

Stress can be an overwhelming problem in a marriage.  Now we could sit here and go through all the reasons for worry and stress, money problems, jobs, etc. but the bottom line is that if you want to succeed in life and succeed in marriage, then you must find ways to reduce your stress and relax.

The following are some really wonderful ideas for inexpensive things that you can do to bond as a couple and reduce your stress.

1.  Take a vacation from reality.  You don’t need to actually go anywhere to do this.  Simply take some time off from life.  Turn off the phone, TV and computer.  Spend some time together.  If you have kids, send them to grandma’s house.  Give each other massages, take baths, do some reading together (not the newspaper) and essentially just block out everything for a day or two.  This will provide you both with a much needed break without having to spend a fortune on an expensive trip.

2.  Take a walk together.  Hold hands and talk.  The fresh air and endorphins will do both of you some good and give you both a much needed break.

3.  Exercise together.  Pick up a cheap yoga tape online.  There are some really great one’s for couples to do together.  Yoga is not only great for getting in shape, it is also very relaxing.

4.  Talk about what is really on your mind.  Letting go of emotions and feelings can really help to take the pressure off.  Create a time and place to just let go of some of the pressures of the day and share your thoughts, fears and concerns.  Sharing these with your life partner, can help you to feel better and they may be able to help you see solutions that you don’t see yourself.

Working together to help reduce stress is good for each of you as individuals and for you as a couple.  You may ask can reducing stress really save my marriage? And the answer is YES!

Many men hear the words Marriage Counseling and freeze up.  I think perhaps this is because many men don’t want to air their problems to another person, and they don’t want to deal with the underlying emotions that having marriage problems can invoke.  This is what one man says about his reaction to marriage counseling and the Light Her Fire / Light His Fire:

I came in from work one day, not really knowing what my wife wanted from me, when she told me to come sit down with her at the table.  At first I really thought that someone had died or something horrible had happened, and then like that she just sprung it on me, “Honey, I think that we should go see a marriage counselor”.  I am not sure what the look on my face said at that moment, but I can tell you the thoughts that were running through my head, who me, why? Are you cheating on me? Am I not enough man for you? Don’t get me wrong, I did see that the spark wasn’t there anymore, but I thought that was just the way a marriage was.  Over time we had grown to me more like room mates, moving through the house trying to stay out of the other person’s way.  Sure we didn’t talk as much and didn’t have sex as much, but that was normal, wasn’t it? I told her I was fine with the idea of counseling, when in fact I really wasn’t.  I didn’t really see how bringing another person in was going to help us.  She made an appointment and I found the whole thing very mundane, she said what was bothering her, then I said my piece.  The counselor nodded a lot and threw in a few open-ended questions, but after a few weeks, I could see that we were just going around in circles.  I knew my wife must be truly unhappy if she thought we needed counseling, and she seemed to be getting very frustrated with the counseling.  I decided that I really needed something that could save my marriage, and so I began looking online and found Dr. Ellen’s Light His Fire and Light Her Fire.  The price was extremely reasonable, especially compared to how much we were spending on counseling each week, so I decided to order it.  Well, when it first arrived, I didn’t even tell my wife about it.  I figured I really needed to see if it was going to help.  I started to follow some of the advice that Dr. Ellen gave, and honestly, I was shocked that my wife responded so positively to the things I was doing.  A few days later, I shared Dr. Ellen’s program with her.  I can’t tell you how much this program has added to our lives and our marriage.  I never thought that we would ever feel this way about each other again.  Thanks Dr. Ellen, we couldn’t have done it without you.

Please take a minute and let others know just how well Dr. Ellen’s, marriage counseling alternative “Light Her Fire”, has worked for you.

PR: wait… I: wait… L: wait… LD: wait… I: wait… wait… C: wait… SD: wait…