The best marriages on the planet are those in which the partners are friends.  But being a friend to your spouse can be difficult, if you are not mature enough to handle it.  It is my personal feeling that married couples should share just about everything.  The reason I am saying just about everything is that there are some things that if they are said are just hurtful and serve no purpose in telling.  This does not include things like affairs or substance abuse problems, but more like little things like about how members of the opposite sex look to you.  Like I don’t want my husband to start drooling at some woman who walks past while we are having dinner together, nor do I want him to comment on her.  When we are together I want his focus and this is something that we both feel is appropriate.  However, I do know that my husband did not go blind the day we married and heck, sometimes a woman comes by that even I have to look at.

Ultimately, if you want to best relationship possible then you need to be able to share.  However, I am warning you men, that some women have not evolved to this place yet.  I personally feel that it is in my best interest to have an open relationship with my husband, and by open I mean communication wise.  It is important to know how they really feel and what they really think.  Don’t start this by just telling her everything you have been keeping from her off the bat, it is a gradual process, and is best started by her.  Allowing her to tell you things about her day, that normally would have set you off, like when I was at lunch today…Frank… and that’s it your saying, who is he, why were you at lunch with him.  Now you have shut down communication and the next time she has a story about Frank, you can be sure that you won’t be hearing it.  Reacting like this just creates distrust.  You can not keep another if they don’t want to be kept.  So stop thinking that she is cheating and just don’t think about it.  Trust is the best part of any relationship worth having.

Many times in a marriage the trust gets broken.  Most of the time this is due to lying and or an affair that leaves either you or your partner left feeling hurt and betrayed, and feelings of anger and fear rise to the top and result in calling after each other and checking up.  In a sense the person who has been betrayed is in essence waiting for the other person to mess up.

Jake and Monica had been married for many years, and they always had a good relationship.  They talked to each other about everything and were really friends.  After the birth of their new baby Sarah, Monica became overwhelmed with being a mom and Jake began to take interest in a woman at work, Faith.  He would tell Monica that he was working late, and then go to dinner and so forth with Faith.  For months, Monica was suspicious, but since Jake had never lied to her before, she really didn’t think her suspicions were right.  Then one night when Sarah was being extremely fussy, she decided to take her for a ride in the car to put her to sleep, and happened upon Jake and Faith sitting in his car together parked on the side of the road.  Needless to say, when he came home they had it out, and he agreed to stop seeing Faith and they agreed to go into marriage counseling.  Monica started continuously calling after Jake very frequently and Jake became frustrated.  He said that he told her the truth and that he wasn’t seeing Faith anymore.  The marriage counselor explained to Jake that although Monica still loved him and wanted to work things out, that now she needed constant reassurance that he wasn’t lying to her again, and that would just take time to earn back.  In other words, just because she forgave him, did not mean that she could just go back to trusting him again.

Once the trust is broken, it takes time to heal.  Marriage counseling and other resources can be extremely helpful, but it still takes time to repair what is broken.  Don’t fret though, if both parties are willing to work at it your marriage can actually be better than ever, even after infidelity.

Every marriage has its marriage problems, but there are some important things that you can do to make the most out of your marriage and keep your relationship strong and healthy.

1.  Love Each Other.  Realize how lucky you are to have someone to love who also loves you.  Remember that love grows only in the presence of freedom and trust.  Don’t take this blessing for granted.

2.  Listen.  Don’t just listen with your ears but listen with your heart.  Accept each other as individuals and don’t take things too personally.  Understand that your differences are the thing that attracted you to that person in the first place.  Don’t try to control the other person’s feelings.  Allow your spouse to express her thoughts and feeling honestly, and you will both benefit from the exchange.

3.  Never Stop Being Sweethearts.  Be sure to treat her as though she was the most important thing in your life.  Do things to make her feel loved and appreciated.

4.  Take Care Of Each Other.  Be sure to help each other through the tough time.  Go to doctor appointments together.  This however does not mean to ignore your own needs.  Be sure you are taking care of both of you.

5.  Look To Each Other For Help.  There is nothing wrong with asking for help from your spouse.  You will find that doing this not only helps you, but also helps them to know that you think they are reliable and respected.

6.  Be Friends.  Share your thoughts and feelings.  Treat your wife as you would treat a friend.  Tell her everything, you will be surprised how doing this will bring down the walls for both of you.

7.  Don’t Flirt (accept with your wife).  Accept the fact that you have found the one you are going to spend the rest of your life with.  Don’t do things to attract the attention of other women or things to make your wife jealous.  Doing this will most definitely back fire on you.

8.  Money.  Work on money issues and spending together.  Always be sure you are both in agreement about when and how your money should be spent, even if you are the wage earner in the family, you are still life partners and should share things equally.

9.  Question Your Actions.  When you are in doubt about how your actions will affect your wife, one good rule of thumb always applies and that is the old biblical rule do unto others as you would have done to you.  Be sure that you think about how you would perceive the same situation if you were in your wife’s shoes.  Doing this will help you make much better choices.

10.  Have Fun! This can be difficult, but be sure to keep some fun and excitement in your marriage.  One thing that will more than likely keep you out of marriage counseling is to keep the fun in your marriage.  Play a lot.

Here is a question most husbands ask themselves…What does my wife really want from me? The answer is really quite simple.  Do you remember your first date, or any first date that you have been on? Do you remember how attentive you were? How adoringly you looked at her? Well, that is exactly what she wants from you.  Whether she is all dressed up for an evening out or lounging around the house in her flannel pajamas, she wants to be your number one.  She wants you to be so in love with her that you can’t help but want to be near her.  Everyday she wants to feel as if there is no one you would rather be with in the whole wide world.

It may not be as simple as that for you, but I am telling you right now if you can put yourself in the mind set of how you felt when the two of you first started dating, it will help not only your wife, but your relationship with her.

I think back to one night when my husband and I were first dating.  I was working and when I came out of work to my car he had put a giant teddy bear in my drivers seat, and a little baby bear in my daughter’s car seat.  It was by far one of the cutest things that he has done to date, not very expensive just thoughtful.  Thoughtful ideas don’t have to be elaborate or expensive, just ideas from the heart, that let her know that you were thinking about her and that you care.  It can be difficult to come up with creative ideas, but trust me it is worth the efforts.  The truth is in the same way that most men are still little boys at heart, most women are little girls, and just want to be coddled, loved and appreciated.

And even when your wife says, it doesn’t matter, the truth is it does.  Try it and see how her face lights up and her heart lightens with just a few sweet gestures.  It makes a big difference.

There are so many issues that effect people in relationships, yet many times they come back to one key issue…TRUST. From a very early age we learn very quickly that people don’t always want to hear the truth from us, and at first we learn to tell the “nice lies”. You know the ones like you look really nice in that outfit, or I am really glad that you came over today. Eventually we also learn to use lying as a way to protect ourselves from the fallout. Telling people the truth about things that they may not like and that they may never even find out about, becomes something that we avoid at all costs. Eventually, we learn what to say and when, and when omitting the truth is the wisest decision, but is it ever really wise?

In a relationship, honesty is the foundation, and quite honestly without it a relationship just can’t succeed. How can your spouse trust you if you aren’t being completely honest? Well, it is time to turn things around and start being honest, first with yourself. Then you need to start telling the truth about everything, in a kind way. If you are keeping secrets, then ask yourself, wouldn’t I want to know if she was doing this, or if she was feeling this way? In order to be lovers, you need to be friends. Friends tell each other the truth, and if you can’t be yourself and tell your spouse the truth about things, then ultimately what do you have?