Men need sex, but so do women.  Most men think that women don’t need sex, however this is not really so.  For a man, the act of sexual intercourse reaffirms their belief in the love that they share with their spouse.  For women, however, they need a certain amount of tenderness and caring to feel loved, and although they do truly enjoy the physical act of love, they find it difficult to feel “in the mood” when they are feeling overwhelmed and have a lack of connection to their spouse.  Men on the other hand tend to be more flexible with sex than women.

So as a guy, you need to be aware of these differences and work to improve your relationship, which will in turn help you to improve your sex life.  This is why it is so important for you to really understand they way to build up your relationship to an intimacy level that allows you to experience the true nature of your feeling for each other which will, I assure you increase your libido and hers.    The following things can be little changes that can make a big difference.

1.  Call her.  Whether you are out with friends or on a break at work, just letting her know that you are thinking of her can really help things.

2.  Put her first.  When she gets home from work, get off the phone or shut off the TV.  Doing this will her see that she matters more than other things in your life.

3.  Communicate your needs, but also allow her to communicate hers.  Use the echo without sounding like a parrot.  Let her know what you are hearing her say, so that she can clarify if need be.

4.  Don’t forget that you love her.  Always act lovingly, kind and respectful.  Don’t yell, tantrum or blame.  If you occasionally mess up, be sure to apologize, before she asks you to.

In relationships, there are some issues that seem to effect both men and women.  Many times they try to pretend to be something they are not, only to let their real selves shine through after the wedding, leading to disappointment and despair.  It is important that even in the beginning of a relationship that you are yourself.  Sure you want to put your best food forward, however don’t pretend to like things that you don’t and don’t pretend to be someone that you aren’t.  Many times this is the cause of many marriage problems down the line.  It is not that the woman doesn’t like who you are, but she doesn’t really know who you are.  Many relationships seem to magically change, once they become marriages, and the reason for this is that now you feel free to be who you are.  The truth is if you both were honest about who you were from the beginning then after marriage this should stay the same, no surprises. The other reason that there are issues right after marriage is that once you actually take that walk down the isle, then you each begin to treat each like family instead of like they are a special person to be cherished.  Make sure if you are planning to marry or have recently gotten married that you continue to romance each other and cherish one another, this will make all the difference in your marriage down the road.

Many couples wind up in marriage counseling in the first two years of marriage because of just these issues.  A significant change in your relationship should not occur, but it may take some work on both of your parts to make sure that you stay as much in love after the wedding as you were before it.

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The best marriages on the planet are those in which the partners are friends.  But being a friend to your spouse can be difficult, if you are not mature enough to handle it.  It is my personal feeling that married couples should share just about everything.  The reason I am saying just about everything is that there are some things that if they are said are just hurtful and serve no purpose in telling.  This does not include things like affairs or substance abuse problems, but more like little things like about how members of the opposite sex look to you.  Like I don’t want my husband to start drooling at some woman who walks past while we are having dinner together, nor do I want him to comment on her.  When we are together I want his focus and this is something that we both feel is appropriate.  However, I do know that my husband did not go blind the day we married and heck, sometimes a woman comes by that even I have to look at.

Ultimately, if you want to best relationship possible then you need to be able to share.  However, I am warning you men, that some women have not evolved to this place yet.  I personally feel that it is in my best interest to have an open relationship with my husband, and by open I mean communication wise.  It is important to know how they really feel and what they really think.  Don’t start this by just telling her everything you have been keeping from her off the bat, it is a gradual process, and is best started by her.  Allowing her to tell you things about her day, that normally would have set you off, like when I was at lunch today…Frank… and that’s it your saying, who is he, why were you at lunch with him.  Now you have shut down communication and the next time she has a story about Frank, you can be sure that you won’t be hearing it.  Reacting like this just creates distrust.  You can not keep another if they don’t want to be kept.  So stop thinking that she is cheating and just don’t think about it.  Trust is the best part of any relationship worth having.

Most people would agree that communication is a key to any relationship, however for men, when asked about communication they seem to think that this is just a barrage of endless conversation with no end in sight, which to them seems relatively pointless and boring.  What most men don’t realize however, is the importance of non verbal communication, things like body language, touching and eye contact, which are actually more what your wife is paying attention to then the actual words.  These things are essential to your wife and she is reading you and what you are telling her non verbally probably much more than you realize.

This is one of the essential difference between men and women and one of the reasons why many couples wind up in marriage counseling or even divorced.  Many marriage problems occur when the communication lines are crossed and the problem is that men and women just identify with things differently.

Women will tend to be very vague about the issues, saying things like I can’t tell that you love me anymore, and a man will try to solve the problem with an action, so he will either try to say I love you to her more or he will try to have sex with her more.  For a man, he is trying to solve the problem and for a women, this isn’t cutting.  When your wife says that she can’t tell you love her, she wants you to communicate this by listening to her attentively, being aware of her feelings and needs, and touching her in a loving way, whether that is giving her a hug when she is having a bad day, or a foot rub at the end of a hard one.  There is a tenderness that she is looking for from you.

Men tend to be very literal beings while females tend to be very much about feelings and this is sometimes the reason for the breakdown in communication between a husband and a wife.  It is like speaking in two different languages.  Men need action steps and women aren’t giving them, so men tend to get frustrated and give up.  It is really not anyone’s fault, but it is the difference between men and women and it is something that needs to be understood by both partners in your marriage.

Honestly, many people who are cheating on their spouse say “I never meant for this to happen”.  Well, I think that is because many people don’t realize that they may have not meant to do it, but they kept allowing the opportunity to occur time and time again.

First you must keep in mind that men and women are very different.  Men are a bit naive when it comes to what a woman is truly capable of.  Women are planners, and if they are interested in a man they will find a way to weasel themselves into his life, married or not.  They will find out where he eats, where he hangs out with his friends, and where he works out.  She will keep finding reasons to be where you are when you are there.  Most men think that this is a coincidence when in fact she is carefully stacking her cards to make a move.  So the very first thing is don’t be naive.

Secondly, and I believe the true key to keeping yourself faithful to your spouse is to stay away from fire.  It is a normal reaction to feel attracted to someone, but you don’t need to act on those feelings.  If you know there is a woman that you are attracted to then stay away.  You don’t need to complicate your life and confuse your own feelings by being around that person.  Be sure that you are not alone with this person.  Do not meet outside of the work place, even when in a group, and if you must attend a business function or something like that then bring your wife along.  This will insure that nothing will be happening.  If for some reason this person lets you know that they are interested immediately reinforce to them that you are not interested and that you are happily married.  For some this will be a deterrent.

Whatever you do, don’t allow the opportunities to get the best of you.  If you don’t set yourself up for trouble, then more than likely you won’t get into any.  Remember, don’t even flirt with the idea of having an affair, and you will steer clear of one.  Focus your energy on your marriage and if you are having marriage problems then seek out the help from a marriage counseling expert.  An affair will only compound your problems, it won’t make anything better.

A big issue is that men and women tend to like different things, so how can you still take time for yourself, while keeping your spouse satisfied? Take Tom, he is an avid football fan, and when football season comes around, Cristi his wife becomes a football widow.  She doesn’t like football, and can’t stand the fact that he is completely out of touch for the entire season.  Is she wrong? Well, to a point.  It is important to nurture our spouses and encourage them in their interests, even when they are not shared interests, but sometimes men will take these things to the extremes.  The best thing to do is to keep your interests, but also set limits on yourself.  It is important to let your wife and family know that they are important during football season, or whatever season it is that really gets your attention.  Set certain days and times, and watch only the games that are really important to you.  For instance, set up a weekly schedule and still participate in the household on your off times.  Use those times to take your wife to dinner, play ball with your kids, or just generally help out around the house.  These little things can make a world of difference in your wife’s resentment towards the things you love.  It can be amazing to watch this transformation.  For instance, if you do the dinner dishes before heading into the den to watch the game, your wife will probably be less resentful of the activity.  Life and marriage are balancing acts and so you really need to find a way to do the things you love without putting your home life on hold.  Doing some little things can help really bond you together.  And occasionally if she is into it maybe ask her to come and watch the game with you, even if you have to explain it.  Who knows, maybe she will even become a fan too!

More than anything women get very stressed with tasks and don’t take time for themselves.  The one reason that most women are not in the mood, is very simply because they are too busy and too busy thinking about what everyone else needs.  Men don’t function in the same way, so it is more difficult for men to understand their women’s emotional needs before considering the physical aspect of their love.  Getting a woman in the mood takes a little bit more time and effort, then most men really like to put in, but let me tell you if you do things to encourage your spouse to reduce her stress and take care of herself, you will definitely reap the benefits.

First, you need to help her finish up whatever it is that she is doing.  If a women is in the middle of a task, she will more than likely stay focused on the task so something as simple as, “what can I do to help you honey, so we can finish this up and spend some time together”, can be a great way to let her know that you will help her do what she needs to get done so she can clear some time in her schedule for you.

Second, don’t just dive in.  Rub her shoulders, suggest that she may want to relax, give foot rub, serve her a cup of tea or coffee.  Allow her a few minutes to power down. Just be sure to touch her, hold hands, put your arm around her, hug her, something to let her know how much you love and appreciate her.

Doing these things will help your woman relax and be and feel more intimate.  It works especially well, if you actually use this method sometimes without expecting to have sex.  This way she feels like you value her, her time, and that you love her.

It is hard to know sometimes what women are looking for from a man.  They don’t always get to the point and men can become frustrated at the generalizations that women make when they are asking for things.  They many times will say things like “I want you to help out more around the house” or “I want you to be more affectionate”.  Yet sometimes, despite a man’s attempts they just don’t make the mark and really give her what she wants.  What a women is really saying when she says these things is that I want you to love and appreciate me.  So how can you go about doing this? Well, the answer is surprising simple.  You can leave little I love you notes, even writing it on the bathroom mirror or leave a note in her car.  If you see that something is stressing her out, take it off her hands, or offer to do something that is completely different for you, don’t just take out the trash or mow the lawn, but maybe offer to cook dinner.  Plan it in advance, and let he know that from now on you will do dinner on Thursday nights to give her a break, and then follow through with it.  This will show her that you are really taking action towards trying to help out.  Or offer to do a household chore on a regular basis.  Believe me, just taking one chore off her hands will seem like a real effort on your part, and will be greatly appreciated by her.  What if she says that she wants more affection? Then give her a back rub, foot rub, or just sit close to her on the couch and hold her hand or put your arm around her.  Hug and kiss often, and not just because you want to have sex, but because you want her to know how much you love and appreciate her.  These very simple things can turn around a relationship.  It seems simple, yet somehow getting the language translated properly can be the hardest part.  By doing this you will not only have a better relationship, but you will also show your spouse that you are really listening to what she is saying.  These things will be more than appreciated I assure you.